The Journey Begins
Life is such a journey of discovery. I never expected to be where I am now, when reflecting back on my life. I had a wonderful carefree childhood. I grew up in a small waterfront city in Finland as one of six children. My parents were always supportive and encouraged us children to create our own happiness and explore both the world beyond and within. My favorite subject in high school was philosophy. I questioned a lot of what I experienced, saw and felt. I was also fascinated with the idea of ghosts and the “unseen” and one of my favorite hangouts as a kid was our attic. Light flooded in from a lot of windows, so it wasn’t a scary place and I’d play up there, alone, for hours. I doubt I really was alone :)!
Then in my early twenties, I moved from Finland to the US. I decided to do this after surviving a burst appendix and a resulting stomach infection. I felt that to be alive was important and I should do something meaningful, so I ended up working first as a lifeguard in a water park in Wisconsin and then later in commercial real estate in New York. Meaningful or not, I did enjoy all of it. Life was fun and good.
The first child, Liam, was born in my mid-twenties and I was so grateful for him. He was beautiful and overall healthy. Liam was about a year old when I got pregnant again and this time I was expecting twin boys. I felt so blessed. What a perfect miracle. These precious boys were born via c-section six weeks prematurely and sick from day one.
A Life Changer
I feel that becoming a parent in whatever shape and form is a very beautiful and rewarding experience. Always a gift no matter if the child is well or unwell. However, I admit I have some dark and bleak days behind me and didn’t always see it this clearly and with a heart full of so much love.
From the day these beautiful twin boys, Max and Jake, were born they had some sort of viral infection it seemed. If it wasn’t something in their ears, it was in their airways. They had reflux and there was a lot of projectile vomiting going on. I mean a lot!! The boys received their first antibiotic treatment as soon as we were out of the hospital for an infection in the airways. After that it seemed like there was always some antibiotic or pain reliever going in them. Despite all of this chronic illness, these boys were happy babies and teaching me valuable lessons about life already then.
Both boys were diagnosed with MPS II or Hunter Syndrome at nine months old (they are afflicted with its more severe form, affecting the brain). This is a genetic disease, passed from mother to son. Max and Jake are not identical twins. Before this diagnosis Max had already been diagnosed with ACC or Agenesis of the corpus callosum. This means that he was missing the white matter in his brain that connects the left and right hemisphere. Max had also had surgery at six months old to correct a case of craniosynostosis – the sutures in his skull had fused prematurely and turned into bone.
Back to the BIG diagnosis day. This day will most likely be forever etched in my mind, although now it isn’t loaded with pain, grief and heartache. It was a perfectly beautiful summer day and we were all going to see a pediatric doctor specializing in genetic disorders, due to the craniosynostosis Max had. It was just to rule out anything more severe. Well, there was no “ruling out” done that day, rather we ruled in something very big and heavy. The words I do remember best were: “the boys may live anywhere between 10-20 years and there is unfortunately no cure”. Fortunately, it was possible to be approved for something called enzyme replacement therapy, where this vital enzyme (that was missing from their body) would be injected into their bloodstream during a weekly infusion treatment and it could relieve symptoms and maybe even prolong their life.
We moved to Finland, because of it’s free government healthcare system. The boys were approved for this miracle medication and it was initiated when they were two years old. The medication could, unfortunately not, cross the blood-brain barrier and as the brain function kept declining, and it was decided to terminate the treatment when the boys were about four years old.
During the years they did receive treatment, I spent every Friday at the children’s hospital with them plus many days in between. At times it was exhausting, but other times it was joyful. We met the most wonderful nurses and doctors and our overall support network was amazing. It still is, and for this I am incredibly grateful. Yet, as the boys caregiver, I was tired and anxious..often.
I neglected my own health and lived on coffee and chocolate most days :)! I had frequent headaches and colds and such bad right shoulder pain. That right arm was in continuous motion, so it kept getting worse. Surgery was suggested on the arm, but instead I took pain relievers to ease the pain. I also spent a lot of time dwelling in my own mind, believing most of what I was thinking. Very dark thoughts at times. Worry, jealousy, guilt, overwhelm, resentment, anger, sadness, grief, frustration, shame, worthlessness, abandonment, heartache, devastation were perhaps among the most common ones. Despite having all these negative emotions rotating on a loop in me, there were a few that outshone them all. These were love and hope. I loved these three boys with all my heart and hoped that I would see the value and worth of all this struggle soon.
I never lost my trust and faith in the Universe and the Higher Power, but I had some angry moments where I’d cry out in pain and agony about this life.
Helping the Self
Self-help books had been on my shelves since before Liam was born, but now for the first time they seemed relevant and very important and I read them with gusto. I tried to apply all of what I absorbed from them into myself and increase the quality of my life, using all these various strategies, but it was hard to not focus on the reality I was faced with. The suffering of these boys was so heart-breaking. Max and Jake were chronically ill all the time and there was so little rest for all of us. They were crying a lot and seemed unhappy. Where was the relief going to come from? Was it going to be like this until they died a too soon death? Max used to have such bad nosebleeds and it would create a humongous mess. They were vomiting randomly all the time and there was a lot of diapers to change per day from so many loose stools. They were put on behavioral meds and sleeping meds and we were still going through antibiotics like nobody’s business. Something had to change fast, that much was clear. I pleaded and prayed for a solution that would help and benefit us all.
Something blessed and beautiful was coming
One day I was walking the isles at a bookstore and once again I found myself at the self-help section. I was browsing some books, looking for something revolutionary, when a book fell from a shelf higher up and almost landed on my head. It was a book about energy healing. I opened it up and happened upon a chapter on distance energy healing. I was mesmerized and totally absorbed by what I was reading. It felt like it resonated with my very essence. Could this be the answer to all my prayers?
At first I thought I was to find someone else to help the boys with energy healing, but then slowly, after fruitless searches for an energy healer that felt right, it dawned on me that I was to train myself to help the boys. The thought alone felt both intimidating and empowering to me. When the right book for me finally found me, I felt liberated and inspired like I hadn’t felt for a very long time. I started meditating and practicing and connecting with the Source Energy within me and asking for guidance and assistance from that Higher Power, all the time. I knew intuitively that I was only a vessel, a sort of generator of this energy, but not the Source of it. It is flowing to and through me continuously. I just had to allow and let it flow.
The Work Begins
I did all I could to release toxins, pathogens and trapped energies from the boys and myself at the same time. There were so many. The boys were quite imbalanced and it was amazing to see their health slowly but surely improve. The nosebleeds stopped. The vomiting stopped. The loose stools are no more. The ear infections are history. The boys have not been sick with a cold in a whole year. I discontinued all the behavioral and sleeping meds. The sound I hear the most now is laughter. The boys only communicate with some words and sounds, but they compensate with the lack of words through body language (hugs and hand holding) and very deep eye contact. It feels like you are being touched at the very core of your being.
The healing work I’ve done on myself has been quite substantial. I was quite loaded with baggage that weighed me down. Your subconscious doesn’t distinguish between past, present or future, so it’s all happening now. In my case, there was a lot going on. A lot of negative emotions, beliefs and perceptions trapped in my energy field and nothing was flowing smoothly. I also had a lot of toxins trapped all over, especially in my right shoulder that was so sore.
Releasing all of this in a natural, non-invasive and comfortable way has helped me find that spark in life, that feeling of bliss no matter what is going on outside of me. I have regained my emotional and physical balance. I feel like I’ve awakened to my Self. I feel so much lighter. Is there anything better than to wake up energized and full of positive anticipation for each new day and just grateful to be alive? I am now able to really accept everything and I feel that I have the perfect life, for me, and the most wonderful people are part of it, to love and appreciate.
It has taken us a few years to get to this point, but it has been so worth it and I feel incredibly grateful for this method of healing.
Today, my primary focus and inspiration is to care for and love all my children, and care for Max and Jake until they leave this earthly plane. My secondary inspiration in life is to help others reach a state of well-being from the inside out in a natural way, with my continuous support throughout that journey. Maybe this is something you have been searching for and would like to try out? There is perhaps nothing better than to feel good and happy and enjoy the life you are living.
Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful day!
With love, Anna